How do you acknowledge a memorial gift to both the donor and the grieving family?

Two audiences, two documents

A memorial gift has a donor who needs a tax acknowledgment and a family who needs to know that someone remembered their person. Those are different needs, and trying to serve both with one letter usually serves neither. The donor's acknowledgment is the standard receipt: organization name, amount, date, the goods-or-services statement, and a line noting that the gift was made in memory of the named individual. The family's letter is a notification: a short, warm note saying that a gift was received in memory of their loved one, naming the donor, and saying nothing about the amount. Related: What a Compliant Donation Receipt Needs

The amount is the detail people get wrong most often. Families generally should not be told what each donor gave, because it puts a dollar figure on a gesture of sympathy and because most donors would be uncomfortable knowing their gift size was shared. The exception is a donor who explicitly asks you to share it, which is rare. What the family does want is the list of names and mailing addresses, so they can send their own thank-you notes. Ask the donor if their address may be shared; most say yes. Related: Thank You Letters That Deepen Giving

Keep reading: Why Year End Receipts Matter to Donors, What a Compliant Donation Receipt Needs, Thank You Letters That Deepen Giving. See how TaxThank helps you year-end donation receipts and tax letters for nonprofits.

Getting the tribute information right

Memorial gifts come in during a difficult time, often in a burst after an obituary names your organization, and they arrive with handwritten notes, misspelled names, and incomplete information about who should be notified. Set up a tribute record for the deceased as soon as the first gift arrives, with the correct spelling of the name (check the obituary), the family contact's name and address, and any notes about how the family wants to be addressed. Every subsequent gift attaches to that record, and the notification goes to the one contact rather than to whoever the donor happened to mention. Related: Keeping Clean Donor Records

Ask the family contact early how they want to receive notifications: one letter per gift as it arrives, or a periodic list. A family receiving thirty gifts in two weeks may prefer a single weekly summary, while a family receiving three may want each one. Also confirm whether they want the gifts directed to a specific program, since obituaries sometimes request donations for a purpose the organization needs to honor. Get that from the family rather than inferring it from a donor's note.

Tone for the family letter

The notification letter should be brief, specific, and human. Open with a sentence of condolence that names the person who died. Say that a gift was received in their memory from the named donor. If you can, say what memorial gifts to your organization support, in one sentence, so the family understands the practical meaning of the gesture. Close with a line that leaves the door open without asking for anything. Do not include your donation envelope, your newsletter, or a membership pitch. A family reading this letter is not a prospect.

Sign it by hand if the volume allows, and have it come from a real person with a title, ideally someone who would be able to speak to the family if they called. Small organizations sometimes have the executive director sign every memorial notification, which is a burden during a busy stretch and worth it anyway. When notifications go out weekly as a list, keep the same tone and the same signature, and make sure each donor's name is spelled exactly as the donor wrote it, because the family may reach out to them.

Honor gifts, anonymous donors, and the long tail

Gifts made in honor of a living person follow the same two-document structure, with the notification going to the honoree rather than to a family. The tone shifts from condolence to congratulation, and the honoree can usually be told slightly more, such as that the gift marked their birthday or retirement, since the donor typically wants that context shared. Ask anyway. And some donors want to remain anonymous to the honoree or family while still receiving their own receipt; honor that by sending the notification with the donor described as an anonymous friend. Related: The Relationship Behind the Receipt

Memorial giving has a long tail. Families sometimes give annually on an anniversary, donors who first gave in memory become regular supporters, and a well-handled memorial period is often the start of a lasting relationship with a family that had no prior connection to your work. Keep the tribute record active, note anniversaries where you know them, and make sure that the family and the memorial donors are moved into your normal stewardship stream with care, after a decent interval, rather than dropped into the next appeal. The goal is to be remembered as the organization that handled a hard moment well.